I’ve got a few housekeeping things that I need to do, and I will be doing them soon.
However, in light of the final season of Game of Thrones, I thought I’d share the spoilerific reviews that I typically write for friends and family and share on FB.
So, without further adieu, and keep in mind that this post is dark and full of spoilers, read on at your peril:
Has it come?
Has the time finally passed?
Is the end upon us?
The final season has begun, and we are treated to our first ever true revamp of the introduction, and it is magnificent, heart wrenching, and perhaps just a bit terrifying as it shows a close up look of where the Night King plans on taking his new touring band. And for good measure, we get some breathtaking visuals of what looks like Dany’s dragons coming to life and the Red Wedding.
We then cut straight to the North where Dany and her armies are making their way towards Winterfell, passing through the quaint village of Winter Town. Arya is spying on everyone in plain sight, and she’s happy to see Jon, but sad he doesn’t recognize her. Then she’s angry to see the Hound, despite having removed him from her list, and then happy to see Gendry.
Eunuch jokes abound a moment before we get to witness the cool welcome of the North, which is coming really close to being racially charged without ever actually stating it. Jon says it’s just because the North doesn’t trust outsiders, but come on… they were more welcoming to the Wildlings and those were known raiders. That’s okay, the dragon-poser wyverns do a flyby to scare the yokels, and Dany gets a strange look of sadistic pleasure as she listens to the screams of the Northerners. (Seriously, she looks way too pleased with the terror that is being caused.)
Jon and Dany enter Winterfell and greet the other Starks (minus Arya), and just as Dany and Sansa are about to have an epic showdown, Bran intervenes. He drops the bombshell that, oh by the by, the Night King raised your dragon as his own, so we kind of need to worry about that instead of the pissing contest you girls are about to get into.
Well, that’s one way to force a segue… and oh hey… we’re now in the Great Hall.
Tiny Lord Umber is ordered to go North towards the breach in the Wall and bring his people to Winterfell. I mean, yes, that’s a good idea, but doesn’t it seem a bit late to bring people that far away down to them before an army that doesn’t need to sleep descends upon the keep? I mean, I’m just a lowly outsider watching, but logistics…
After that tiny Lord leaves, the next Tiny Lord appears, this time it’s actually a tiny Lady Lyanna Mormont who is challenging Jon about bending the knee. Except, he actually deftly deflect this back to the fact that he’s trying to save everyone, and that the only way to do so was to find a way to bring everyone together. Hello, we’re all going to die if we don’t stop the undead? Is that difficult for the rest of you to get through your head?
When the meeting is over, Tyrion finds Sansa watching over the Courtyard of Winterfell, and at first it seems like it could be a touching meeting. Except, Sansa took one too many courses at Cersei University, and she just uses the moment to prove how much smarter she is than Tyrion now. Which, okay, she has no reason to trust any of the Lannisters, but if she’s as smart as she wants to believe she is, shouldn’t she realize that she could use her power to help unite these disparate parties and actually solidify her own power base in the process?
Instead, she pimps away, and we then cut to Jon and Arya’s reunion. It’s been eight season in the making, and the pure bliss of both actors can be seen. That is heartwarming, but both Jon and Arya aren’t the same people they were as kids. It’s bittersweet at best, as they’ve lost something of themselves along the way.
We take a break from the North by heading back down to King’s Landing and the seas surrounding it. Euron has returned from Essos with the Golden Company, and his favorite plaything – Yara – in his captain’s quarters. Except, she looks a sight better than the Most Beautiful Woman in the World from Dorne is, and Ellaria Sand probably does. So, there’s that.
Euron than treats with Cersei in the Throne Room with Harry Strickland, Captain of the Golden Company. She’s very upset to learn that there will be no Elephants. It feels like she’s the voice of the book fans as she is very hung up on the lack of the elephants, but she graciously welcomes the Golden Company before allowing Euron to sleaze his way into her bed.
While she’s off doing the filthy dead with him, Qyburn visits Ser Bronn of the Blackwater. He brings tidings that Cersei wants him to go kill Jaime and Tyrion with the crossbow that Tyrion used to kill Tywin. Hopefully Bronn prefers his bros before the Queen.
Back with Cersei, she and Euron have just finished with their private talk, and she’s still bemoaning that there are no elephants. Euron doesn’t care about that. He just wants to know he was a better lover than both Robert and Jaime. And Cersei seems to be enjoying his obnoxious display well enough that she almost seems to invite him to return.
While Euron is trying to find out if his penis is as good as Cersei’s other lovers, Theon steals onto his ship and frees his sister. As the Greyjoy siblings flee, Yara wishes to return back to the Iron Islands to hopefully secure a place for Dany to retreat to if necessary (which feels like some foreshadowing), but she allows Theon to return to Winterfell to help his foster family.
Back in Winterfell, the Karstarks have returned to Winterfell with their people, but there is still in sign of the Umbers. Huh. Anyways, Davos proposes a proposal to help Dany earn the trust of the kingdoms by marrying Jon. It seems that despite the imposing threat Bran shouted down at them when they first arrived, there is still time for love.
During the love fest of Dany and Jon, Dany learns that her dragons aren’t eating enough, so she goes with Jon to check on them. Which leads to their special Aladdin moment, but instead of a magic carpet ride, we get a hold on for dear life dragon ride where Jon mounts Rhaegal. I personally think that should have come after he learns of his heritage, but hey, it’s all good.
And they’re super selling the words of Bran by fucking off with the dragons instead of preparing for the imminent war. I mean, yes, Jon learning to ride a dragon could be useful, but finding a secluded waterfall and making out with Dany while her dragons leer at them… not so much.
Back in Winterfell, Gendry is a super popular man. First the Hound picks up his dragon glass axe, and while he is there, Arya shows up. And it’s more reunions with Princess Stabbity. First she stares down the Hound instead of hugging him like we all know she wanted to. Then she has some awkward conversation with Gendry where I’m not sure if they are intentionally flirting, or if he’s flirting and she’s just confused. Of course, she tells Gendry the true key to her heart… make her the perfect murder weapon.
I’ll admit it. I ship them.
In other parts of the Castle, Jon comes to see Sansa and learns that Deepwood Motte won’t be joining them at Winterfell. Apparently, Jon bending the knee upsets all the other Northern Lords. Which, okay, yes that’s a problem, but hello, undead army? Do they think Jon was just stark raving mad when he said that and they still voted for him to be their King?
Of course, Sansa is astute trying to find out if it was duty or affection that bent the knee, and we don’t get to see Jon’s answer.
Instead, we find Dany seeking out Sam so she can thank Sam for saving Jorah’s life. (Which, why didn’t we get a Jorah and Lyanna scene since they’re related!!?!?) And Sam asks Dany for a pardon for borrowing books as his thanks, and for stealing his family sword, and name drops his house name. And oh, the look on her face… when she realizes that Sam is of the same Tarly name of the people she roasted last year…
And my heart broke for Sam. No matter how much of a vile bastard his father was, he was devastated to learn that his family suffered a terrible fate. I’ll give Dany credit for owning up to her actions to him, and not trying to downplay it, but man, that was some harsh reality slapping Sam in the face.
As he rushes from the main Keep, he runs across Bran just creeping in the Courtyard, waiting for an old friend. He tells Sam that he needs to go tell Jon that he’s been boning his aunt, and his whole life is lie. So, Sam does, despite not being in the best of head spaces.
And he finds Jon standing in the Crypts, and I really enjoyed their reunion, as they have remained fast brothers despite everything. And Sam wants to know one thing from Jon first, if he knew, and he of course didn’t. And all the truth comes tumbling out as soon as Sam starts questioning if Jon would have done the same.
It’s a painful way for Jon to learn, but it was a wonderfully brutal way to force the truth out there. And Jon is spun as he learns that Ned lied to him, but Sam is amazing in telling him exactly how it was. Ned had to lie to save Jon’s life, and that was the reason he never spoke of the truth, no matter how much Ned may have wanted.
We then spirit ourselves away to Last Hearth to find out why haven’t the Umbers shown up yet. To lead us along the way, we are rejoined with Beric and Tormund who have climbed down the ruined remains of the Wall to find what looks to be a bloody yet empty keep. They decide to do the only prudent thing, explore the seemingly abandoned keep! And just as they feel that they’re about to find some of those pesky undead wights, they stumble across Edd and some of the Night’s watch!
And then they go into the Great Hall of the keep to find Tiny Lord Umber nailed to the wall with a sick display of arms and flesh spiraling out behind him. It’s morbid, and creepy, and then the Tiny Undead Lord squeals as he almost stabs Tormund! They decide it’s better to set him on fire, and then they watch all the flesh burn! It almost looks like they wanted some marshmallows, but they cut away before we could find out.
Back in WInterfell, we see a lonely rider arriving on a black horse. He drops his hood and we find it’s JAIME! JAIME MADE IT TO WINTERFELL! JAIME AND BRIENNE WILL BE REUNITED SOO…
OH SHIT, BRAN WAS WAITING ALL NIGHT IN THE COLD FOR THIS OLD FRIEND!
And now we’ll have to tune in next week to find out what will happen next!